How to Define Your Own Success
We need to redefine success in a way that makes sense for us, not for the algorithm, the company, or the crowd. What feels like success in one season might shift in the next ...
Last week, I spent a morning journaling longer than I meant to. I was writing about success. I intended to keep these reflections to myself but then a gentle whisper inside me said:
“You’re resisting sharing this because you don’t see yourself as successful.”
That nudge changed everything. I’d been wrestling with whether I was even qualified to write about success. But here we are.
It all started when I posted two notes: one on what true success means, and another on why “successful people” talk about success so much. Everywhere I looked, the message read: “This is what successful people do, so should you.” They surround themselves with high achievers, celebrate their wins and they encourage you to do the same.
But I paused and asked myself:
What does success mean to me? And what does abundance look like when you’re in a season of transition with no titles, no brand, no network, just your own ambition?
Real-World Encounters with “Successful People”
Few years ago my mentor invited me into a small room where an entrepreneur owned millions in property and ran his own agency. I expected a “five steps to build wealth” spiel or a 5 AM hustle manifesto. Instead, he spoke about his life struggles: his mother’s care, the guilt of not having time to look after her, and the weight of choosing between family and business. His vulnerability shattered the myth of the invincible “successful person.” In that moment, I saw the hidden cost of success and also what success could mean: a life balanced between achievement and presence.
What I’ve learned is that “successful” people are just humans with their own dreams, inspirations, and struggles. We need to stop glamorizing material possessions and putting others on pedestals because it only breeds a false mentality that equates worth with wealth.
So why am I sharing stories of those who, by cultural standards, have “made it,” yet still feel unfulfilled? Because their experiences remind us that achievement alone doesn’t guarantee happiness and that true success looks very different for each of us.
Why External Markers Fall Short
Society tells us that success equals driving a Tesla, earning six figures or having 100,000 followers. These external markers aren’t inherently bad but they become harmful when they become our identity.
When I started working at a top tech company, my LinkedIn flooded with messages, friends treated me differently, even guys took notice. I felt unstoppable until a friend visited my office (complete with a piano, barista bar, and skyline views) and said, “You don’t look happy.” In that instant, I realized I’d lost my spark, buried under the pressure to prove my value and chase recognition.
Reclaiming Your Spark
Success can shine like a trophy, but what truly lights us up is purpose. After that office visit, I stepped back and asked myself:
What work makes me feel alive?
What relationships nourish me?
What boundaries protect my wellbeing?
I still slip into chasing the wrong things — seeking validation, wrestling with scarcity mindsets but I’m learning to redefine success as the freedom to follow my values and honor my energy.
How to Define Success on Your Own Terms
Your version of success might look very different today:
For someone recovering from illness, success might be simply feeling stronger each day.
For a busy parent, success could mean carving out quality time with family.
For a creative soul, success might be launching that passion project.
Remember: the day you were born, you already succeeded—you took your first breath.
Here are a few practical steps I’ve taken. I hope it sparks your curiosity and inspires you to create your own roadmap to success.
1. Audit Your Success Metrics
Grab a pen and list the external “success” markers you’ve been chasing. Which genuinely uplift you? Which distract you? For me, this meant taking stock of my life’s current season and noticing what truly pulls me forward. I realized I’m doing exactly what I once dreamed of: writing, building community, working from home, spending time with family, going for spontaneous walks. That’s my success.
2. Reconnect with Your Why
Think back to moments when you felt deeply fulfilled. What were you doing? Who were you with? I traveled a decade into the past to my slower-paced life in Sydney, surrounded by a tight-knit community and a handful of close friends. I had time to write and was launching a business project that gave me purpose. Remembering that life reminded me of what matters most.
3. Set Purpose-Driven Goals
Align your weekly and monthly goals with your core values not just status symbols. When you see your work as purpose, you treat it like a job worth showing up for.
Writing, for me, isn’t just a feel-good hobby, it’s my calling.
So I set concrete targets: finish a draft, publish a newsletter, engage with readers.
4. Build Boundaries
Protect your energy by blocking out “no-meeting” time and scheduling digital detox windows. I’ve learned to say no to clients who don’t align, to social events where I’d feel performative and to anything that pulls me away from my purpose. Boundaries aren’t walls, they’re the space you need to thrive.
5. Celebrate Everyday Wins
Acknowledge the small victories: finishing a tough task, taking a mindful break, or simply showing up for yourself. I’ve shifted my focus from “How far behind am I?” to “How much time am I spending on what I love?”
Each day, I remind myself that I’m winning by doing work that feeds my soul, that I’m good at, and that gives me purpose.
As I continue defining success for myself, I hope you’ll craft your own vision—chasing purpose instead of the appearance of success.
What does success really mean to you right now? Is it rest? Risk? Rebuilding?
Let me know in the comments what success means to you in this season.
I'd love to hear your version.
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Do not believe them that success is stashing money. Success is originality of your own capacity.
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