Where is love?

Have you ever searched for love everywhere, only to feel like it’s nowhere? I know that ache. You try to stay open. You do the inner work. You meet people, you hope. And still, something feels missing

This past week, I opened up in a way I don’t usually do, sharing my question about marriage in this note, something that’s not often spoken about publicly.

I spoke about my desire to have a legacy, to continue the legacy of my parents (married 40 years) and my grandparents (50+ years of marriage).

What I didn’t expect was the outburst of messages — the support, the thoughtful comments.

It made me think of the times when love felt easy for me. The times when I felt love. And the times I was shut down.

First, love is found within yourself.

When Love is easy

I discovered this a decade ago. It was a season when I felt most confident in who I was and clear in my desire for marriage. It probably helped that I was attracted to someone at the time.

I was living in a new city, no network, no family, nothing familiar. Starting over in a new place also meant starting over with how I saw myself.

That year, I carried a postcard that simply said Love. I found it in London and tucked it into my bag. I took it with me all the way to Australia.

It wasn’t just a word. It was a declaration: Let this be the year of love.

I placed it on the window where sunlight could touch it. I carried it between books, bags and bedrooms — a companion to my longing. I didn’t know what form love would take, but I was ready to welcome it.

And it was. The universe answered, not in the way I expected.

The first few months were lonely. The person I was drawn to wasn’t taking initiative. I started doubting myself and my worth.

In those moments, I would close my door, sit in silence, and cry. “Why did I come here? Why did I leave security, family, opportunities? Why do I feel so lonely?”

Then, one night, a whisper came:
Close your eyes.

Put your arms around yourself.

Hug yourself.

As I started to wrap my arms around my body, the next question caught me off guard:
Do you love yourself?

Tears came instantly because my body already knew the answer: No.

I didn’t like myself enough. I was chasing someone else’s love, but what I needed was to return to love within.

So I made a decision to love myself on purpose.

I began a journey of slowing down, saying yes to adventure and closing doors to people I cared about but who weren’t right for me.

And the universe didn’t leave me alone. It surrounded me with people who reminded me what love looks like. They embraced me, accepted me as I was, and gave me strength to say no to what wasn’t love.

That season became one where I felt most loved because I remembered: you have to love yourself first.
You have to embody love before you can give it.

I learned that when you’re in love with life, with someone, with yourself — you do wild things.

You take risks.

You wake up differently.

Love adds fire to your soul.

When Love is hard to find

But what about when love feels far away? When you want to feel love, but it feels hard to find?

Those are the tough seasons, the ones where you're figuring out life on your own.

Since returning from that powerful season, I lost my rhythm. I let disappointment, burnout, and career pressures take over. I stopped searching for love. But more painfully, I stopped feeling love for myself.

I started to wonder if love was for me at all. Maybe I didn’t need anyone. Maybe I was better off on my own.

I’m sharing these two very different seasons, one where love felt natural and one where it didn’t because I think that’s what makes love sacred.

It moves through seasons.

But no matter where you are, the most important thing is to find your way back to love. Back to your centre. Back to the knowing that you are loved.

So where is love?

It’s within.
It’s around.
It’s in God.
It’s in stillness.
It’s in others.

The first step?
Accept love - where you are, who you are, who you’re becoming.
Then extend that love outward.

What Helped Me Find Love Again

1. Accept love where you are
   Not when you're better or more healed or more successful. Love begins in this version of you.

2. Say yes to adventure
   When I started solo travelling, I felt alive again. Booking a spontaneous trip to Monaco reminded me of who I am: curious, brave, open. Meeting strangers, walking new streets, it brought me back to life and back to love!

3. Talk to someone
   A counsellor helped me return to the parts of me I had abandoned. She reminded me that self-love and healing require space, honesty and time. You don’t have to do it alone.

4. Trust that love still exists
   Even when it’s hard. Even when it hasn’t shown up yet. It’s still out there. And you’re not crazy for hoping.

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What About You?

What season of your life did you feel most loved and why?

🌿 A Companion I Resonated With

Each time I share a letter, I include a voice I’ve recently come across. Someone whose words stayed with me a little longer. If it resonates, I pass it on.

• This Week’s Companion: Jenn Barber
  Jenn writes deeply about relationships, self-worth, and embodying love. She left a comment on my recent post that moved me to tears. Later, I read her Substack, What Does a Healthy, Enduring Romantic Connection Look and Feel Like? — a soul-deep reflection on real love. Her words reminded me that love isn’t just something we hope to receive, it’s something we’re invited to become.

  If you’ve found someone whose work feels like that — reply and let me know. I’d love to read them too.